I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
