DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
