for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
