Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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