Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
