Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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