i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize