Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
