She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
