i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize