Dual....:-)
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sarcasm needs its own font
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
