apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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