You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
