I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
