i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
