People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
