Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
