Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
