I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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