You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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