He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
