Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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