my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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