WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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