do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
