I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
