Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
