38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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