Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
