I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
