So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
