Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
