AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
