4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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