I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
