sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
