i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
