glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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