i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
