I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize