i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
