I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need a beard to bite.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
