I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Where is the hickey?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
