I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
