Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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