My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
