I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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