I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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