Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
