That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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