marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His hands were made for my vagina.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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