I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
