it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
