Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
