I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
