i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
