Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
