so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm like, not good at living.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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