I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
