Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
