I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
