oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
