no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
