Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
