if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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