your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
