I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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