I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
