I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
